“It’s like fixing a tap washer downstairs, whilst the bath is running over upstairs”.  This is one of those wonderful metaphors that evokes as much imagery as it does make a point.  It was recently applied by one of my colleagues in a conversation we were having about our regional care offer aspirations.  However, I must stress it was not a description of the individual’s own behaviour, but very much indicative of how sometimes the corporate parenting “machine” can look to skimp on the daftest of things whilst losing sight of the bigger picture.

I am sure no one would disagree with the idea that at the heart of any corporate parenting offer needs to be participation from our children in care and care experienced young people.  In the West Midlands we are really proud of our participation network and how they facilitate a collective voice being heard across the region.  As an example of this, the young people themselves have devised a “Putting Participation on The Map” training session, which some of them delivered for the first time at our recent Principal Social Workers Conference.  They truly did a great job, and whilst of course this was a fairly friendly audience, they are now hungry to take their programme out to anyone who will listen, including our corporate and political systems.

And in two short paragraphs maybe I have summed up the dilemma, the tension if you will, of being the figurehead of corporate parenting, because as a DCS, that is very much how I see myself.  On the one hand you have a partner saying, “hang on a minute, we really don’t have the money in the bank to cover that”, and on the other you have the child saying, “but you brought me into this world, I didn’t ask for this, so surely you owe me the best you can?”.  Hang on a minute, that sounds just like the conversations many of us, as parents, will have had numerous times over within our own families!  The expression “is it good enough for my child” sort of comes to life here, maybe?

So, how do we sort things out, back at home, with a partner concerned about the money and a child concerned about their future?  Surely, we negotiate.  We validate the child’s claim to ensure it is realistic, we may also look to rebalance expectations.  We then check the bank account, revisit our budget, reconsider our own expectations for the coming year and we reach a centre ground.  A solution that keeps the family solvent but nudges the child one step further to gaining their own independence, a future that we hope sees them financially and emotionally stable and able to walk through adulthood without too much need to call on our support.  Obviously, the numbers are bigger, hundreds of children, millions of pounds, and just culling this year’s holiday isn’t quite going to solve the problem!  Nevertheless, the skillset is very similar, so maybe that expression needs to be reworded to “is it good enough for my family”?

Just one final thought.  As parents, we also talk to other parents, sometimes friends we know, sometimes people we only know through parenting forums, but talking and listening really helps.  As a collective of DCSs we always need to do the same and there lies the reason why in the West Midlands we are developing a regional offer amongst friends, but we are always more than happy to hear, and share, with others in a bigger forum.